everywhere you look


Hola Brosowskis!

Should I tell you more stuff about my past or just post a billion selfies?

Or talk about all of the things which I hate?

So many possibilities.


One thing I would like to say is that contrary to one idiot on the internet’s opinion about me…. I am not ugly and socially inept.  I have positive interactions with other humans daily.  Strangers even occasionally spontaneously compliment me on my appearance! OMG!  I usually don’t feel the need to announce it to anyone who’ll listen, however, because even though it is nice to receive a friendly compliment, it isn’t life-altering for me.  A little boost of confidence or good feeling is cool.  Yay.  But most females are regularly complimented on how lovely they look, it’s really just a social nicety.  It doesn’t prove anything as an official fact.  Each person has beauty of some sort.  Move on.

Or tell us more about why it is so important to you.  Like, are you having a bad day?  Did your grandma die?  Have you been feeling especially insecure lately?  Make it relatable; don’t just gloat like a tween with identity issues.


Often I pose hypothetical questions on my twitter because they are questions I am legitimately wondering about and I get attacked because my questions are seen as an attack but I know that my questions are legit.  AND SO DO YOU!  Here is how I know:  I am not the only one wondering the same thing!  And you know it!  That is what gets your goat.  To turn around and become horribly ruthless is cruel and unusual.  Playing dirty.









intense moisture

I was gifted a bottle of suave professionals 2 minutes super conditioner Intense Moisture. This is really great for dry hair, which my hair is pretty porous.  It doesn’t weigh hair down and it leaves hair really shiny and soft. This has an ingredient called Keratase ™ which is something that L’Oreal came up with.  It’s a lovely conditioner and it smells like a salon. Thanks to Crowdtap for the free bottle!20180314_153607

Flo Nightingale

A little tidbit about my upbringing…

Many women in my family worked in the medical vocation.  My Dad’s sister was always a surgery nurse.  She is the one who is now 78.  She is, of course, retired but her last employment was with a Plastic Surgeon.  They did a lot of eye surgery, too…. Lasix?  When I was growing up, she was so cool to me.  I loved her.  I used to spend the night at her house probably once a month.  Her two kids, my cousins, were a big part of my childhood.  They always had Mtv and the Disney channel.  That was fun.

My Mom and my Mom’s Mom both worked at a Hospital in our town.  My mom was a scrub nurse and my grandma was an LVN who worked on the cancer floor.  Oncology?

One time, when I was 7, I got cat-scratch fever (which is essentially Toxoplasmosis Gondii which is a parasite which takes over your brain and makes you love cats XD) and I had to go have a lymph-node removed from my neck! This probably explains a lot about how I’ve turned out in life… but I digress.  I had to stay in that hospital and my mom, Aunt and Grandma all worked there so I got a lot of special treatment.  🙂

My mom ended up getting hired on with an Oral Surgeon’s office where she pretty much worked for the rest of her life.  She was a very wonderful employee… very conscientious and valuable to her employer.  He was good to her, paid her well, she got bonuses and even a Cruise once! All of these women were good role models for me.  So what happened!?!?  jkjk  I am actually a good worker and good at anything I set my mind to, really but…. I’m probably autistic or something.  Actually, I know what it is.  I inhereted my father’s anti-establishment attitude and problem with authority.  And I am a free spirit.  Never have I actually wanted to work at any job.  I have learned from many and had some very valuable experiences… it’s just that whole “you have to be there and stay there” thing that gets to me…  with the same people day after day and all of the interpersonal dynamics.  For me, that stuff is just annoying to deal with, it’s nerve-wracking.

Oh yeah, and when I was like, 8 years old, one year I dressed as Florence Nightingale for Halloween.  That was back when we made our own costumes out of stuff we had to find around the house.


a memory of ‘Blue Grandma’

Twenty-seven years ago, I met her.  Linda Lofton Salazar.  I was terrified!  I was eighteen years old and dating her son, Gabriel.  He was a legit bad boy, I’ll leave it at that; but, he was the apple of his mother’s eye.  She had two sons, close in age, who were always vying to be her favorite.  Jeremy and Gabe.  They had different fathers.  I may have met Jeremy’s father once, but Gabe’s father passed when Gabe was around 11.

I want to focus on Linda.  She passed away when she was too young, devastating my son (her grandson) who was her main joy in life– and she, his.  I think she had a heart attack.  For me, it is difficult to wrap my mind around circumstances surrounding such events as a major loss of a loved one.  The details seem ephemeral, like wisps of spiderwebs floating on a breeze.

Linda was probably the smartest woman I have ever met.  I am shy and was very shy when I met her.  She was intimidating!  She had absolutely amazing taste in everything, was extremely well-read and knew all there was to know about San Francisco having spent the 1960’s living there. We were often regaled with her fantastic stories about that time and many others.  She was a wonderful story-teller.

She used to find no greater pleasure than to take me, her son and our son, Atticus out for fun day trips or even weekends during which times she would lavish us with everything we wanted.  It was all done using credit cards and I actually used to frequently try to get her to reign in the spending.  I was brought up in a very frugal household and spending money was always done with extreme caution.  My mom wasn’t a spender. If I was in a shop admiring a lovely piece of clothing, Linda would say, “Do you want it?” and I would sometimes go ahead and take her up on it because I thought she would like to see me wearing more fancy clothing.  Sometimes, I would tell my son he should tell her not to spoil him so, but that did not stop her.  She spoiled the HECK out of him.  I don’t really think it had a negative impact on him though.  We tried really hard as his parents to educate him and keep his head on straight.  He is now a hard-working father of two.  I think he has a good head on his shoulders, honestly.  But losing her definitely hurt him. He called her Blue Grandma.  We don’t know why.  My mom was Green Grandma.

She was so cool.  I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to know her.  It is so difficult to lose someone like her.  I miss her a lot.  It is funny to me, though, that there was once a time I felt so uncomfortable around her.  There was even a time when it seemed like we both hated one another.  We got past that, though.  I really felt that she loved me.  She may not have always agreed with me or my choices, but I felt understood by her, for the most part.  Accepted by her.

There is no way I can really convey the depth of experience here.  What can I say? She wasn’t very old when she died.  Maybe 48? If there is any way that someone can look down on us from the afterlife, I would love if she were doing so.  Or maybe she was reincarnated?  When I think of her, I feel a little bit of inspiration to be better.  More like her.  That’s all I am going to say for now.  xo

let’s catch up


Hi.  I have more to write about coming up in a future blog post… I am going to tell you all about my late, ex-mother-in-law, Linda. Also plans for separate posts about each of my Grandmothers.  But right now, this is just a what’s up at the moment, post.


i am going to buy a knitting needle today because I guess I lost one of my dang knitting needles. grrrrrrrrrp

I need to start knitting like super duper bad! Something other than looking at the phone, guys. we are all addicted and it isn’t our fault! Except we need to fight against it or we will be assimilated into the hive mind and that cannot be!!!!


hey, that’s a great photo i took of my millenial food there, ain’t it?  pretty epic.


wish my face wasn’t in a shadow… but oh well. still a nice pic of my daughter! 🙂

look at the ducks! quack quack.

I love ducks.  I want one for a pet.  I want ducks, chickens, goats… the whole nine yards


this was taken in Auburn, CA a few weeks back. capturing a moment.

this man who just sat next to me at the library is a total beast… and i don’t mean in a good way.  He is grunting, groaning, mouth-breathing, sounds like he is snoring as he breathes.  kinda like Calibos.


this taquieria is excellent!!!!! although, I prefer the tacos to the burritos, but my friend treated and we split this.  super good.


these are some tacos that same friend made a while back and fed to me.  He didn’t heat up the tortillas, tho…. i had to fix that for myself.  you gotta steam them a bit and get them heated up and pliable-like.

So, other than this small-talky stuff…..


the chick who wrote the above is @the_angela_gallo on instagram .  she is pretty awesome.

my favorite parts are where she says she deserves/wants to be loved generously, in the same way she would give it out.  I feel the same way.  I don’t want to feel like I have to hold back my enthusiasm to match the withholding attitude of my relationship partner.  I am giving and generous with my loved ones and if a long time goes by without a whole lot of real reciprocation on that, I will feel deprived and resentful eventually.  At some point, I have realized, I have to sever the tie.  Sometimes the other person can’t meet you where you are.  That must be accepted.  But don’t stay in a relationship like that and stew.  Just move on!  Focus on making YOU happy in the way that other person won’t or can’t do.  Avoiding the feeling of loneliness is a temptation when that other person dangles carrots, but YOU know the pattern of their behavior.  YOU know when someone blows hot and cold on you and how that impacts your well-being.  If the other person can’t keep that in the forefront… YOU still need to.

sigh. right!?!?!?!



Grandpa Max

My paternal grandfather was an interesting fellow.  He was diminutive and smoked cigars.  He was an alcoholic.  He was a machinist. He kinda reminded me of Popeye.  He died of emphysema.  He had a birth defect where one of his ears wasn’t all the way developed and one of his eyes was droopy to the point where he wore a band-aid on his eyebrow to try to hold his eyelid up.

He used to play solitaire all the time.  His wife, my Grammie, was practically a saint during my lifetime.  She went to church every Saturday and she ran the Dorcas (providing charity for the poor) and she always prayed for my Grandpa that he would stop drinking and start coming to church with her, but he never really did.  Maybe one time?

I remember one time he moved out of their home and he moved in with my Grammie’s SISTER!  That was strange.  Since I was a kid, I didn’t really understand it but my Grammie was always so forgiving.  She would just pray for him.  I think she married him mostly to get away from her abusive father.  I heard some stories when I was growing up but I never really grasped any of it since I was just a kid.

One day, he came back, though and we treated him just as if nothing had happened.  But, eventually he ended up moving into a trailer on my Aunt (his daughter)’s ranch.  He lived there seemingly quite content for quite a while, I think until he got sick and then he moved back in with my Grammie and she helped to take care of him until he passed.

I think I remember seeing him in his casket.  I know I remember seeing him on his death bed.

He used to always call me Aunt Carrie and I called him Uncle Grandpa.

He was funny.  We would play the card game War together.  He didn’t really talk a lot.

I didn’t try hard to make this all flowery. I’m just telling you what I remember as I remember it.


thank you for not caring

I’m feeling bright-eyed and bushy tailed this morning, how about you?


isn’t it great when the sun is in your eyes for a photo?  shoulda had my stunnahs on.

I bet you are jealous of my old school vintage first edition crocs, eh?

Pretty swag.

Let’s see what we have in my screenshots which I can riff on for a bit….


i like this account on instagram.  Danny Loving On Purpose

So, I’ve been working a lot on setting boundaries for myself in my relationships with people.  I have often felt that I am in relationships which are frustrating or unsatisfying and frequently I find it difficult to get what I want.  I may try different methods of conveying my needs to the other person but sometimes nothing seems to work.  If I am feeling dissatisfaction with the situation, sometimes I must choose to remove myself from it in order to protect myself from further frustration.

Sometimes it seems to me that the other person will be evasive, for some reason unable to communicate with me regarding what is going on for them in relation to me.  My needs have so frequently gone unnoticed, unacknowledged or disregarded.  It hurts when this happens.  I’ve tried anger, which only serves to further alienate my friends, family or romantic interests…. so this year I have practiced a lot more of just letting it go and respectfully choosing to detach.

I have experienced that when I try to sever a tie respectfully, while stating my reason– the other person will either have no response whatsoever or they will sometimes choose to escalate the situation by beginning to insult me (in a falsely loving way).  “Yes, I understand.  I wish you the best. God bless you…”  but then turn around and start to criticize me for my choice. “You are a low, sad person. Why do you have to take things to such extremes?”  That is my choice.  STFU.  You were the one who was giving me the silent treatment or short, simple responses when I am telling you complicated shit (blowing me off, diminishing my experience).  Telling me “whatever, it doesn’t matter, it’s silly.”

Don’t you just love those people who claim that nothing matters?  pshhh. ok.