blogging is dead for real this time

the main reason I ever started blogging was to keep a journal. I had already journaled my entire life as soon as I got my first irl diary. it is therapeutic. sometimes we just need an outlet. now with social media, including twitter, facebook and instagram (and more), it seems like each person stands on their own proverbial soapbox and is talking but really only talking to their own self? It doesn’t seem like anyone is interested in a dialogue. People just want their platform to talk about themself to themself. themself isn’t a word.

nobody has time to truly interact with eachother and it seems as well that they don’t even care to! it is like talking to a two-way mirror. the speaker only sees himself. the watcher or listener can try to interact with the speaker but the speaker can’t see or hear the listener. is that a good analogy?

brave new world, isn’t it?

meh.

Currently, I am sitting in a public library which is located adjacent to an elementary school. This is the first week back to school after summer vacation.

The library is working to ensure that kids do not come and hang out in the library after school and wait for their parents. The library is not about to become an impromptu babysitting service. If you want to benefit from being part of a society, you have to abide by the rules of that society. Can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

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cause and effect

The other day, I took my daughter to the all-you-can-eat pizza lunch buffet. It was delicious but of course stupid because you really can’t eat as much as you wish you could… and all the people who were there were fat. haha.

What does that tell ya?

I wish I could bring in a plastic bag inside my purse and just pocket some pizza for later, but I never think of that ahead of time and I would probably get caught, anyway. I am sure my daughter would be mortified if I tried that, also.

way too much food for one sitting. but it was all so delish. the broccoli was yuck and i didn’t eat it.

well friends. I super duper duper need to get into better shape and it can’t happen magically or instantly so, must be trekking over to the gym for a bit. WHY OH WHY do i always think that I don’t want to go?

Significator: Knight of Pentacles

Near Future: 5 of Wands

More Distant Future: The Fool

Recent Past: 9 of Swords

More Distant Past: 8 of Pentacles

Underneath it all (Subconscious): King of Pentacles

This could be about a man in my life, if so– I have a hunch who it would be. Otherwise it points to positive outcomes in all areas of life, so that’s good.

Hopes and Fears: 2 of hearts (reversed)

Challenge I face: 2 of Wands

Time to choose between what is familiar and what is good for my growth.

How I see myself: 8 of Cups

Time for a change. Not satisfied.

What the Universe is bringing in: 5 of cups

Who is in my space? Ace of Swords

Outcome: Q of cups, Knight of Swords, 5 of swords (reversed)

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is misery more fun than fun?

Hi, I don’t look cute here, obvs. i should have smiled. always should be smiling but oh well!!!!

the point is, i made it to the gym and worked out and i feel fabulous.

i hate shorts which have a unnecessary drawstring! what the heck? all it does is create bumps under your shirt! lame. maybe i should cut the shirt? make it shorter? I always have this problem. too much material on top of my stomach and waist area, increasing the bulk of that area. why?

wearing clothes is so hard. i will cut the drawstring off as i always do.

do what you love

what do you love?

So, I have an assignment to write about how I would like my life to be.

At first, when I am asked to do this, I feel like I am at a loss and have no clue. Sometimes it is easier to think of what I don’t want!

Yesterday a younger coworker (28) was so easily talking about how he wants his life to be. He knows. I am like, “Idk?” haha

So, I will try. Sometimes I can look at my own life and a lot of it is actually how I want it but there are tweaks I would make. Maybe I am supposed to imagine my dream life? “Or do I need to stay realistic?” Should I think of it in terms of, “What if I was plopped down on an island and I could make my life any way I could imagine? Carte Blanche”

I’m just stalling.

fish head soup

I like living near water. Rivers. That is a normal human thing. Water is life. I want to have a garden. Herbs, flowers, a witchy garden. Preferred climate is cooler weather. Convenient climate assistance (central heat and air) is huge in life. Once you don’t have it, you really really really wish you did. The basics might sound obvious but electricity which works properly, running water (including hot) and a flushing toilet are SO helpful in life. Live without them and you will see what a huge privilege it is to have those things. Some might say it should be considered a right. It really isn’t, though. You would think that after all this time of humans being on earth we would have prioritized making these basic comforts available to all but nope.

Comfort. Comfortable places to sit to eat, to relax. My current living situation does not have a comfortable sitting place. My “sofa” is a bed. Can’t bend your legs. That is huge. Outside, we have an umbrella patio table, but if I sit out there, I am sacrificing privacy, which is huge for an introverted artist type.

Places to store things where I can see what I have, it can be organized and sorted through with ease. Right now, my storage is so limited so I have to start getting rid of stuff and it seems so overwhelming.

I would say that I just have to start ‘tweaking’ my current life to continue to make it more how I would like and what would lead to more ‘happiness’, ‘peace’ and ‘comfort’ for me. This would lead to me being more likely to engage in pursuits of interest to me, such as painting/art, reading, listening to music… I am not a victim, I am a co-creator.

yes, i’m sure

hi. i was inspired by lenu dunham to get this homemade old lady nightie.

a sardine meal i made a while back.

all my housemates went to a bbq. they asked me to go but i said no thanks, but bring me a plate and someone actually did! it was delicious.

and then i pretended i was on a boat. well, i was on a boat… but just not in the water.

well, i left the house with a dying phone battery so now i want to go back home and charge up.

be flexible

today is my last day off this week and i will work the weekend and then I have 5 days off. 🙂

The day before yesterday, I took my daughter to the movies and the mall and bought her a little gift because she got straight A’s on her final report card of 7th grade.

we have a big garden where i live, so i have been making salads. in this salad, the lettuce is the only item from our garden.

Same with this one, these are lettuce fish tacos. fresh and delicious, made by me.

still been gym’n it. i didn’t work out last week tho because i worked two extra shifts for a coworker and i was just beat. standing on my feet for 8 hours does a number on my crooked-spined body. i did go back for a session with my trainer today and it was great. loved it. a 1-hr workout.

i should make a planner schedule for how i want to utilize my 5 days off in a row that way i can get some stuff sorted. i have been continuing to make an effort to socialize with my roommate/neighbor peeps. one thing i dislike about that is human interaction with housemates ends up leading to drama one way or another. i always think it is so much easier to just avoid/ignore them all as much as possible. but whatever. i am human, so are they.

i worked on July 4th, actually and when i got home, the housemates had bbq’d a ton of hot dogs…. so i joined them for a plate. that is real sauerkraut on my burnt doggie. looks kinda weirdish but tastes great.

my work attire on the 4th. oops, my antennae were on backward. the other side is much cuter with blue feathers and sparkles. got lots of compliments. nobody else was as goofily attired as the new girl (me).