library chronicles

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There is a woman here using the computer wearing latex gloves.  eyeroll.  Maybe she has a compromised immune system.

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This was some art I saw at the farmer’s market, I thought it was cool.  the sign said you can contact him at jesseazarian@yahoo.com if you are interested.

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The other day I got three movies from the library, older movies.  The Witches of Eastwick, that one was fun to revisit.  Who’s Harry Crumb, which was horrible.  I was never a fan of John Candy, (R.I.P.).  And Urban Cowboy, which I remember watching a lot during one summer as a kid.  It was on HBO at my dad’s or something.  That movie is a classic, fo sho.

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today will be less hot than the past few days but we only have a brief respite until it will again be unbearable.  ugh, summer. I am always wondering why we can’t just average out all of the temperatures and have it be more even.  So many swings in temperature.  But when humans try to interfere with nature, it usually turns out pretty badly.

Alright, well, nice of you to drop in! Talk soon!

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goo goo ga joob?

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I have been thinking about incorporating an evening bike ride into my days.  Maybe today will be the day I put this idea into action.  I have a little bit of a weird phobia about it like a mental block.  It feels almost like obstinance.  <—- spellcheck says that isn’t a word, but it is.  If a nice friend would ask me to join him or her on a bike-ride, maybe I would be more likely?  Anyway, I used to love riding my bike until it became something I had to do because I had no other choice and since then I am less into it.  Also, my back pain makes me not want to do things.  BUT I can’t give up!  I see people who are in worse shape than I am (I mean, handicapped more) out there persevering without complaint.  That inspires me a bit.  Got to keep on moving.

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Yesterday, Frank and I went to the fair.  I want to go again, right now!  Looking at the animals, like the Steer and the Pigs makes me feel like I want to be more conscious about my meat consumption.  I won’t say that I am going to stop eating meat, and I already try my best to minimize the amount of meat I consume.  Raising my own chicken (the meat bird, in particular) also raises my awareness surrounding this issue.  All I am saying is we should have more awareness about it all.  The meat industry and sustainability and what all goes into meat production.

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yesterday Frank and I hung out for 12 hours!  That is a lot.  I was tired at the end of it and ready to be alone.  In the morning, I kinda wished he was with me but it is work for me to be a pair with someone.  It takes a lot of energy because I have to be more conscious of myself.  It’s a weird phenomenon.  I think I am abnormal.  He is, also.  We are not cookie cutter peeps.  My stimulation needs are actually low.  I easily become overwhelmed and need to just zone out and process everything.

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One of the most difficult things has been to remove the programming from society about what a relationship should look like.  The expectations that it needs to match some preconceived picture in my head which came from books and movies and social pressure.  Learning how to accept him as a unique individual and also accept myself as not being “like everyone else” has been quite the process and I am not finished.  Struggling with the idea of what Love actually is and how that isn’t the same thing as what we think it should be.  Life lessons abound.  Most people don’t really seem to understand what I am grappling with in this arena.  I am the only person who can live my life, tho.

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I prefer cooked spinach to raw unless it is chopped up and added to something.  I steamed this and ate it up.  It was from the farmer’s market.

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gonna wrap this post up with a pic of my birthday lunch.  This is the Impossible Burger.

It was pretty good but the bun sucked and I added stoneground mustard, but a little bit of a ketchup may have also been nice.  Also, I had a cup of the lobster bisque and I think I have concluded that I am not a lobster bisque person.  It was good but I didn’t care.  haha.

I am very critical of restaurants.  I am underwhelmed by most of them most of the time.  But I still enjoy trying them out for the experience on special occasions.

 

happy af

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I swear, my legs are not as white as they look here.  It’s a lighting issue.  So HI!!!

Happy Summer.  (no exclamation point because I am not a huge fan of summer, actually. haha) I do like rivers tho.  Lots. I wish the river was closer to me.  I have to drive for about fifteen minutes to get to this spot and the way there is all down hill which means I worry about my car.  Don’t wanna overheat the brakes, so have to drive in a low gear.  I need to fill up an ice chest with drinks and snacks and bring my camping chair next time.  That way, I won’t immediately want to go back home.

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My chickens have been introduced to watermelon, now there is no going back.  I am wanting to learn more about foods chickens like.

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I have been really focusing more and more on trying to eat healthfully.  I have actually been trying for a long time… years.  But I am not very good at it because I am a scatterbrain.  Seriously.  Very airy.

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Bought these at the farmer’s market on Sunday.  Still need to use them.

 

 

 

another reading

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I did another Tarot reading last night before bed.  I like to research what they mean and make it into a blog post, now.  Then I can look back on it as a reference.

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Here, the Significator is Reversed5 of Diamonds (Pentacles) (R) and in the Illuminated Tarot Deck, this card is also The Heirophant (R) 

To sum it up, it appears as though my life is moving beyond a place of feeling stuck.  I am an original, open-minded thinker.

Near Future and Future: 6 of Diamonds and 2 of Hearts

These two cards together in the future area predict giving and receiving, sharing, kindness, charity, love.

Past and Distant Past: 5 Hearts and 8 Spades

There may have been a setback, but do not cling to the setback, look forward to the potential.  Don’t hold yourself back fearing change. We must be open to defeat in order to ever possibly win.

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Sorry the pic is so blurry.  It will have to do.

Underlying issue: 7 Diamonds and The Star

The rewards I am about to reap will be multiplied.

Conscious Outlook: Ace of Spades (R)

Focus on the basics and do some better planning.  Set smart goals.

Fears: 9 Clubs and The Sun

Rest. Don’t be a Martyr. Am I afraid to rest? (Maybe it does make me feel a little guilty, like I have so much to do).  I do need to take time to gain more clarity, perhaps, about where I want to go from here.

Hopes: 10 Diamonds

Rest.  Accomplishment.  Comfort.  Enjoyment.

Energy Influx: 3 Diamonds

My work is appreciated.  Keep doing what I’m Doing.  I’m on the right track.  Thanks, Universe 😉 

How I am seen by others: 10 Spades (Reversed)

Egotistical?  Need to accept defeat? Feeling unable to act?  Stuck?

Let go of the pain of the past and trust your inner strength.

Outcome and Advice: 4 Diamonds, Q Diamonds, 7 Clubs

Cultivate a feeling of gratitude and make the best use of your advantage.

Make yourself at home and be receptive, don’t force or chase.

Face your fears and turn them to your advantage.

 

Cool.

 

 

if someone leaves, let them go

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what would my blog be without ridiculous timed selfies of me pretending to be a model or something?

hey, so I am just kickin’ it waiting for my mom and daughter to get here so we can go out on the town.

We all woke up to some more horrible news of a prominent human figure apparently ending his own life.  Almost everyone loved Bourdain.  He was pretty cool.  I liked him a lot.

Many people are immediately saying he was depressed and that is the reason.  I am not saying he wasn’t depressed but let’s take a closer look at what was going on in his life recently.  Have a look at his gf’s twitter account.

HBD to Meeeee!

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Whassup y’alls?

I don’t really have anything to say.  Blogging anyway! Cuz it’s mah burfdayyy.

k, that was annoying.

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hi. i am a dweeeeeeb.

derp.

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Just kidding, I am not actually super fond of California.  I mean, there are some cool aspects but it is way too crowded, way too expensive and mostly way too hot.

Oh, so, my mom DID end up having to do Jury Duty today instead of coming to take me out to lunch.  She might come tomorrow, instead.  I had thought it was going to be Friday all along, so I was right as usual!  heheh

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So far today, my daughter and I shared a delicious gelato which tasted like peach pie ala mode.  We are both on summer vacation now.  Actually, I still have some opportunities to work and I will do so, if it happens that way.  If not, no worries, I’ve got money saved up to get me thru the summer.  so booyah weird internet hater person.

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le sigh….

It isn’t a conspiracy theory really to wonder what is going on when someone (especially a public figure?) commits suicide and has ties to Haiti and the Clintons…  look into it.

I have a job, it’s just that there is a summer break.  I have a life and part of my life is observing what a two-faced, shallow, fake & insane person you are, thanks.

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and if this world runs out of lovers

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Who says I don’t have a life?  I play the Sims!  haha 😀

Oh, my birthday is actually tomorrow, btw.

It will be a simple lunch and then dessert.  Just my mom and my daughter and myself. (that is, if my mom doesn’t suddenly have to do Jury Duty, which she thinks actually might happen, all of a sudden! fer real)

ok, well get ready because this post is gonna be a doozy!

Last night I did my first full tarot spread reading in a while.  It’s been years, I think.  I used to own three decks and then I didn’t have any for a long time.  I bought one a couple of months ago and was only doing 3-card readings with it, until last night.

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those shorts don’t fit me right.  I got rid of them.  They were bothering me for a while and finally, I was like… okay.  done.  I also got rid of that flowery shift thing.  It just isn’t me.  My half sister, Kathryn, gave it to me and said not to get rid of it but I did.  I don’t need to hold onto it in case some day I see her and give it back.  Nah.

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Okay, so this is the center part of the reading from last night.  A lot can be said about this.

[The Sun] Recently, I started a New Life, looking for Clarity & Simplicity.

I moved from a more congested, rat-race-y area where the traffic is horrible, up into the foothills in a beautiful, historic gold mining town.  This is an improvement.

[Jack of Spades] Currently, I am in a state of Caution but looking at the Potential of the situation. And possibly looking at a near future of Abundance (even excess?) and a period of Selfishness [9 Hearts].

[7 Hearts] My Conscious Outlook is one of Secrets, Imagination & New Feelings.

[3 Clubs] Lying beneath the surface (Subconscious)  “The Uncertainty in Beliefs Card. Blessed with mental agility, the Three of Clubs can apply their fantastic mind to just about any endeavor. They are gifted writers, teachers, inventors, computer programmers and performing artists—any profession where they can express their words and ideas.”

Also, this can mean “Efforts RewardedSuccess

The cards which follow add to the story these cards tell.

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I honestly feel like this reading really is about me and describes my situation well.

So the Distant Past and Future are Major Arcana, which means they are a certainty or could also represent a person.  Both Kings in this case (men? father figures?).  King of Clubs is The Magician and King of Spades is The Emperor.  These relate to their accompanying cards, so…

My Past situation was The Sun and The Magician.  So Skill & Transformation along with a New Life of Clarity & Simplicity.  I think that makes sense for my life.

My Future holds a period of Abundance & Selfishness culminating in Wisdom, Experience and Authority as represented by The Emperor.

Next we have my Hopes and Fears surrounding all of this.

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Fears [King of Hearts] How to channel my Sensitivity & Creativity into professional success, which has held me back in the past.  (True!)

Hopes [Queen of Diamonds] To bring harmony of Internal & External in order to master but not control nature.

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and even after all this work I have done to present this reading to my Instagram Stories and on my blog, someone will still go, “So what do you think this all means?”

Well.  It means I should use my energy to persist and keep moving beyond sorrow and learning to understand my own feelings.  It all makes sense to me, and I guess that is the most important thing.