dating sites are worthless

there are many comments I could make about how pointless dating sites are. One is that you absolutely cannot tell if you will hit it off with someone based upon an online profile. NOT EVEN CLOSE. NO EXCEPTIONS.

I don’t want to deal with some random guy who is nothing like what I am looking for and I KNOW IT and he is like, “But I think you are really attractive and would love to date you!”

Come on, bro. I am not on a dating site because I don’t think anyone will find me attractive. I am not on a dating site because I am desperate for a date. I am not desperate to be in a relationship or have a boyfriend. So, CHILL! The only thing we should be focusing on is, Would you like to meet for “coffee” to see if there is even a remote chance that we would even enjoy being on a date together. My experience is this: every guy I have ever met on a dating site has not been anyone I really cared if I ever saw again for the rest of my life and the only times I DID feel an inkling I wanted to see him again or HE wanted to see me again, that was still NO GUARANTEE that we were compatible in life or that anything would develop out of it.

So, yeah. I am jaded. I am not a starry-eyed idealist who thinks that because someone saw my photo and can picture living happily ever after with me in his mind after one DM…..that there is any reason to get excited.

The truth is… dating sites are a joke and a complete waste of time. The end.

And if you live a 2-hr drive away, it IS NOT GOING TO WORK. I don’t live in a fantasy world. This is real life where both people have jobs and families and outside obligations and dating is something to add into all of that. I have also learned that even dating someone for a YEAR is NO GUARANTEE that there is any real compatibility or that it will actually work out!

The end-result of the kind of relationship I would actually like to have is extremely rare and I am ok with that. Meanwhile, life goes on every day and I am living it as best I can manage. I hope you are too, random dude on a dating site who sent me a message and I responded.

My Red Flag alert system is set to filter out even the slightest hint of pink at this point. I have been through enough drama for ten lifetimes.

Thanks. 🙂

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Tarot Time

I finally did a new reading for myself! Whilst shuffling the deck, I was focusing on my current choices and the direction which I would like to see my life headed. So, here is the answer/guidance.

Significator: 2 Cups (as well as Temperance, as this is the Illuminated Tarot deck). Focus on what’s really important and direct your energy accordingly.

Recent Past: Page of Wands I am going to interpret this as someone in my life in the recent past who can be “…all ideas, no substance. This person can think up great things but lacks when it comes to actually taking action.”

More Distant Past: 4 Pentacles “Four of Pentacles in the Past position can mean that you’ve set yourself up for the current position you’re in, most likely by hanging on to something in a material sense. Letting go of the past and breaking bonds is a natural way to move on, and sometimes a good way. It may seem difficult to even consider it, but thinking about it won’t hurt.”

Near Future: Ace of Wands “You may find that you will start a new job.”

More Distant Future: 2 of Wands (inverted) May be pleasantly surprised by a new job offer or other new endeavors.

How I see my situation: 9 of Wands and The SunYou are moving into a totally new phase and you are looking around in wonder like you are seeing things and people for the first time. I think you have grown immensely. I think that the people and circumstances that used to support you, no longer do because you are seeing things with a new enlightened perspective.

Subconscious: Page of Cups

Questions to Answer:

  1. Who depends on you emotionally?
  2. What does your intuition say to do?
  3. How can you serve others?
  4. Who offers unqualified, non-judgmental love?

Hopes and Fears: 4 of Wands (reversed) can indicate a short-term employment contract or temping before something more permanent comes along.

Sky (what the universe is bringing in): 10 of Cups and Wheel of Fortune “Embrace this feeling of thriving, for soon you will begin a new journey, and life will continue on.” “…those types of major considerations one must face to move onto the next step along a path, if not a new path altogether.

Challenge: 5 of Spades (reversed) and Heirophant Accept things as they are, don’t waste your energy fighting the way things are. Maybe you are too rebellious.

Who or what is in my space: 3 of Wands The feeling of waiting and not knowing.

Outcome: 5 of Swords, The Fool, 5 of Wands Don’t need to prove myself to the competition, only to myself. Find a win/win situation. Be content with who you are, just the way you are.

i care

So, for almost a month I have been looking for supplemental employment. It can’t be just anything. I have specific requirements. Every day I do some work toward this goal and finally, I have an interview tomorrow for something I am kinda excited about. It is nice to finally see some kind of movement in the direction of fulfillment.

I struggle sometimes against entropy. Well, we all do, I’m sure. It takes a lot of conscious focus and effort to move in the direction I want to go…. and many people seem to also pull at me to kind of hold me back or distract me or convince me that their agenda is more important. So it is a lovely feeling when I see myself making forward progress despite all of this.

I joined a gym using some of my birthday money, figuring it is always a good idea to stay active…. get out of my comfort zone and stop complaining about things I have the power to change.

I have not been physically active at all for the past couple of years. I fear the painful repercussions which may come due to my abnormal spinal curvature. But being inactive isn’t going to help matters. It is good to incorporate this into my days, especially since I have been off work for a couple of weeks, now.

so anyway, we are all in this together. it ain’t always easy but it is what you make of it. so don’t give up! keep truckin’ and make life happen. sound good?

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well, now we are in the 90 degree weather all the time.  ugh. yuck.

every moment is a desire to escape the heat.  but also learning what pema chodron calls “The Wisdom of No Escape”  because we really never can escape whatever it is … there will always be something.

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food isn’t the answer even tho it is one of my favorite forms of indulgence and distraction.  a person can only eat so much food and then the feeling of fullness comes and ruins it all! heh.

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t’was my birthday last week.  went out for brunch with a friend that day and the next day went to lunch with my ma and we saw the Beatles Tribute called Rain.  tres enjoyable.

that dress i am wearing looks weird or makes me look weirdly shaped due to the placement of the flowers in contrast with the bodice.  also it kept falling off my shoulders, so I washed it and donated it to the Catholic church clothing closet.

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yo bro

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This hair looks HORRIBLE but guess what?

Even tho I botched the dye job hella … due to one box of hairdye not being enough for my hair…. and had planned to remedy the problem with an additional box of dye… after a few shampoos the problem is much less noticeable and I have thus far been too lazy to fix it but also have since trimmed my hair, as well.  Ongoing process.  The color I had used is too ‘red red’  I like a more copper look.  so the new box is more of a copper color, too.

I do my hair myself… have for years.  Not gonna pay anyone to do anything to my hair.  Never am satisfied when I do, so why bother?

I’m a d.i.y. kinda gal.

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derp!

School’s out for summer!

And I hate summer!

Hot weather is evil and forces me to change every aspect of my existence.

Wearing clothes becomes intolerable.

I am looking for a new career which will allow me to be more comfortable in several aspects of my life.  Must empower myself.  Can’t rely on others.

My birthday is in two days and I will be 46 and I am definitely desirous of change in my living situation.  FO SHO.

The heat will be a huge motivator because it is nearly inescapable.

anyway, every day I work a bit on my applications, resume and brushing up on some office skills.  so fun.

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dude.  I am so tired of dealing with immature, childish, emotionally unavailable, self-centered men.  what the heck is the deal with that crap?

Today a woman asked me my age because she wanted to set me up with her son who is 20!  haha.  i have a son who is older than that.  She thought I was in my 20s.  sweet, thanks?

 

the write stuff

Screenshot_20190528-100945.pngtoday I worked a 4 hr job as a substitute teacher during which time I had zero students and was allowed to leave early for the same half-day pay.  not too bad, eh?

During that time, I did some journal work and I was able to run an errand afterward.

I could use the rest of the workday time to go do some resume refining and apply for a couple of jobs…. not sure how motivated I am, tho.  I need to be motivated.

I am not a naturally motivated person.

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this is one of those phone selfies where the phone automatically smooths out the face.

I haven’t bothered to figure out how to stop it from doing that.

When I come to the library to do blog posts, I listen to sitar music using the headphones they offer with the computers.  They are big bulky headphones and they hurt my head to wear them, the earpieces squeeze too tight.

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a coffee drink i had this morning.

well, crud.  i have stuff I need to do.  bbl

 

meaner than a junkyard dog

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One week of school left.  Then what will I do?

There are many probabilities.  I am gonna roll with it.

 

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hey.  spongebob squarepants, much?

horrible.

those leggings are too big and are really just pajamas and can you see my scoliosis bump? my spine is all twisted and jacked. 60 degree curvature going sideways and yeah.  it hurts.  that is all.  it leads me to be sedentary and i have chronic pain which is hella depressing.  jus’ sayin’

and i live in a junk yard. is what it is.

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^^ here is when i was writing in my journal.

a blog is simply a journal.  that was the original intent.  “weblog” log. web log. get it?

but then blogs morphed into social media and became obsolete, somewhat.  but social media is a sickness.  there is little depth and it is all monetized.  the worst part of blogs is what we have now with twitter, insta and (shudder) fb. ew.

My point with blogging was really always to journal.

I am better at journaling when I can type.  I type much more quickly than I write using a pen.20190413_151239

a sticker someone made and slapped onto some sort of electrical housing encasement type thing.

I thought it was worth photographing at the time.  Something other than selfies once in a while to add interest.

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but then maybe you would forget who is typing this!?  haha jk.

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i was in wyoming about a month ago and there was a blizzard and this giant house was for sale there.