well, now we are in the 90 degree weather all the time.  ugh. yuck.

every moment is a desire to escape the heat.  but also learning what pema chodron calls “The Wisdom of No Escape”  because we really never can escape whatever it is … there will always be something.

food isn’t the answer even tho it is one of my favorite forms of indulgence and distraction.  a person can only eat so much food and then the feeling of fullness comes and ruins it all! heh.

t’was my birthday last week.  went out for brunch with a friend that day and the next day went to lunch with my ma and we saw the Beatles Tribute called Rain.  tres enjoyable.

that dress i am wearing looks weird or makes me look weirdly shaped due to the placement of the flowers in contrast with the bodice.  also it kept falling off my shoulders, so I washed it and donated it to the Catholic church clothing closet.

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This hair looks HORRIBLE but guess what?

Even tho I botched the dye job hella … due to one box of hairdye not being enough for my hair…. and had planned to remedy the problem with an additional box of dye… after a few shampoos the problem is much less noticeable and I have thus far been too lazy to fix it but also have since trimmed my hair, as well.  Ongoing process.  The color I had used is too ‘red red’  I like a more copper look.  so the new box is more of a copper color, too.

I do my hair myself… have for years.  Not gonna pay anyone to do anything to my hair.  Never am satisfied when I do, so why bother?

I’m a d.i.y. kinda gal.

derp!

School’s out for summer!

And I hate summer!

Hot weather is evil and forces me to change every aspect of my existence.

Wearing clothes becomes intolerable.

I am looking for a new career which will allow me to be more comfortable in several aspects of my life.  Must empower myself.  Can’t rely on others.

My birthday is in two days and I will be 46 and I am definitely desirous of change in my living situation.  FO SHO.

The heat will be a huge motivator because it is nearly inescapable.

anyway, every day I work a bit on my applications, resume and brushing up on some office skills.  so fun.

dude.  I am so tired of dealing with immature, childish, emotionally unavailable, self-centered men.  what the heck is the deal with that crap?

Today a woman asked me my age because she wanted to set me up with her son who is 20!  haha.  i have a son who is older than that.  She thought I was in my 20s.  sweet, thanks?

 

today I worked a 4 hr job as a substitute teacher during which time I had zero students and was allowed to leave early for the same half-day pay.  not too bad, eh?

During that time, I did some journal work and I was able to run an errand afterward.

I could use the rest of the workday time to go do some resume refining and apply for a couple of jobs…. not sure how motivated I am, tho.  I need to be motivated.

I am not a naturally motivated person.

this is one of those phone selfies where the phone automatically smooths out the face.

I haven’t bothered to figure out how to stop it from doing that.

When I come to the library to do blog posts, I listen to sitar music using the headphones they offer with the computers.  They are big bulky headphones and they hurt my head to wear them, the earpieces squeeze too tight.

a coffee drink i had this morning.

well, crud.  i have stuff I need to do.  bbl

 

One week of school left.  Then what will I do?

There are many probabilities.  I am gonna roll with it.

 

hey.  spongebob squarepants, much?

horrible.

those leggings are too big and are really just pajamas and can you see my scoliosis bump? my spine is all twisted and jacked. 60 degree curvature going sideways and yeah.  it hurts.  that is all.  it leads me to be sedentary and i have chronic pain which is hella depressing.  jus’ sayin’

and i live in a junk yard. is what it is.

^^ here is when i was writing in my journal.

a blog is simply a journal.  that was the original intent.  “weblog” log. web log. get it?

but then blogs morphed into social media and became obsolete, somewhat.  but social media is a sickness.  there is little depth and it is all monetized.  the worst part of blogs is what we have now with twitter, insta and (shudder) fb. ew.

My point with blogging was really always to journal.

I am better at journaling when I can type.  I type much more quickly than I write using a pen.

a sticker someone made and slapped onto some sort of electrical housing encasement type thing.

I thought it was worth photographing at the time.  Something other than selfies once in a while to add interest.

but then maybe you would forget who is typing this!?  haha jk.

i was in wyoming about a month ago and there was a blizzard and this giant house was for sale there.

 

 

 

 

i am not a fan of weather.  anything outside the realm of 55-75 degrees is uncomfortable for me.

grainy and dumb.

hi. so here we are in the rainy season again.  enough already with the dang rain, alright?

thanks.

my daughter loves orange chicken and panda express but this particular time it was a bit spicier than she is used to.  i had a coupon for doing a survey so i got the second entree free or something?  it was a slight discount.  the cream cheese wontons are good.  the broccoli beef was a little heavy on the trees… but veggies add fiber so that’s cool.  the chow mein, i prefer the fatter noodles to those spaghetti type noodles.  all in all it was ok.  the best deal is really the kids meal, if you go there, get that.  😉  next time i want to try one of the wok shrimp dishes.

today at work we were looking at Romeo & Juliet.  Shakespeare is slaps!  (as the kids say)

well, they say that about things other than Shakespeare, mostly… but I just love the plays.  They really touch me.  I was on the verge of tears several times while most of the kids were more focused on the flamin’ hot cheetos they were eating during class.  I was able to observe a skilled teacher work her magic and it is amazing how well she got thru to them without being overbearing.  Good Job, Teach!

Hey, I am in a good mood this afternoon.  A rare occurrence!

This was a few weeks ago when the fuel pump on my car was going out.  Cars, man.  Always having issues, eh?

The car kept working for a few more days and then totally stopped until the fuel pump was replaced.  It was an ordeal but we got thru it and stayed calm, for the most part.  There was some turmoil and I certainly wasn’t happy about missing days during the last few weeks of school… I need to stockpile money for the summer.

 

The first week I was able to go back to work after my car was fixed, every day there was a feast of deliciousness in the teachers’ lounges.  I felt so welcomed back!

Free food is the best.

I decided to donate that shirt to charity because I do not feel like I look good in pink.  It’s kind of a redhead thing.  Already have a ruddy complexion and then the orange hair kinda clashes, I guess.

 

This was taped to a teacher’s (for whom I subbed) computer monitor.  I wonder if there are some people who cannot be ‘awakened’ but maybe everyone has at least a little bit of the capacity to wake up.  Let’s hope so.  The opposite view is a bit nihilistic, isn’t it?

 

the other day when my daughter and I were goofing around.  it was a fun time.

goofin’ around again on a different day.  i find humor in odd situations.  that’s just how I roll.

don’t you hate when someone will go hours or even an entire day without contacting you but then they expect an immediate response when they finally do?

narcissism at its finest.

this pic is from wyoming.  are those ancient volcanoes?

this is an old jail or prison which was in Rawlins, Wyoming and it was huge.  Sprawlin in Rawlins.  It was closed down in the 1980’s.

I bet it is haunted, right?

Have you ever experienced any contact with the paranormal?

I have only felt a funny energy in a place which is purported to be haunted.

So far I don’t really like any of the pics of me using this filter.

but at least I look ‘busty’ in this one. heheheh

I have always had trouble sleeping, I think.  Which is why I tend to spend more time in bed.  I go to bed early.  I try to stay up til around 8 or 9 at the latest.  If I stay up past that, I get wired but still tired but can’t sleep, type of thing.  And I always wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep.  About a year or so ago, I started to listen to hypnosis videos on YouTube so that I would not just lie there and worry about being tired when I had to wake up for work in a few hours.  It has helped.  It is difficult to find the right kind of videos though.  I hate visualization stuff or being guided thru relaxing the muscles of my body.  I do much better with boring, monotonous stuff like Chemistry lectures.

this pic is blurry and maybe not all that attractive looking, but I will tell you for certain that this homemade meal (by me) was delicious af.  Like insanely good.  So I must record it for posterity whether you care or like it or not.

My journal is really for me, anyway.  You are just an innocent bystander who got caught in the lurch. 😉

 

You know what?  I don’t know why I ever think it is a good idea for me to think i know what should happen or what is going to happen because life really just doesn’t work that way.

Right now things are not going how “I” think they should but I think actually the way they are going is probably exactly how it ought to be.

 

The main thing is that I need to be focusing on my own stuff and doing my own stuff and minding my own business.  I will go to work and do my chores and that is about that.  Other than that, we will see how it all plays out because there is a lot which doesn’t directly involve me and my meddling.

Today is a nice day and for the rest of the week the weather will be less hot and I will be working every day.  These are all good things.

I will catch up with you soon… probably tuesday.  Library is closed ’til then.

this picture is kinda ugly.  that is ok. life is kinda ugly sometimes, too.

navigating humans is treacherous business, i have found.  can you blame me if i have always preferred to keep my distance? mad skills are required for that sheet and i’d rather laze in the proverbial kiddie pool than swim with the sharks, if ya catch my drift.

too vague?

here is a different photo I took using instagram stories camera.  that is why it has a weird grainy look, i guess.  cool rose, tho.

but back to how people suck. haha

i get so tired of people denying me my experience.  negating my experience.  like, wtf?

and then they claim they love me and that my problem is i am too nitpicky and not forgiving enough.  BULLSHIT.

if I were happy with a situation, i wouldn’t be nitpicking.  if i am not happy with a situation, why try to convince me that i should be?  eff off.

 

This was the view from our room in Perry, Oklahoma.

I love the Oklahoma accent.  It reminds me of my middle school best friend’s father.  We used to laugh our heads off when he spoke French with his Oklahoma drawl.

 

i like the kangaroo and the fox. and the giraffe.

i am always drawn to toys.

this church is in Rawlins, Wyoming. I had to spend two nights there on my trip back to California because there was a mid-April BLIZZARD.   It did freeze up the roads in Eastern Wyoming.

my car on the day I left Wyoming.

Spring Break ends this weekend and then Monday it is BACK TO SCHOOL!

Pink Full Moon tonight

Let’s see what happens.