I have not seen my boyfriend since Saturday. I’m told I should say ‘significant other’ because ‘boyfriend’ sounds temporary and flighty; and, ‘significant other’ sounds more mature and stable and long-term. but boyfriend is the word that I’m used to using so it feels kind of contrived to say “SO”. but in a lot of ways the internet and blogging and social media are all quite contrived, aren’t they? So why not roll with it, eh?
right now it’s easy for me to say that because I’m not mad right now
but its true for myself when I look back and realize the thing that I was mad about I was usually just confused or seeing things in a weird way and later if I give it time it makes more sense and then it’s like: oh, well there was really no reason for me to be upset. poor guy right? Having to deal with a female and her emotions being all over the place.
but then sunday was a day of chores, monday was work and then being tired afterwards, Tuesday he had rehearsal… so, here we are today and he is going to come over after work. Wee! but honestly it’s been good for both of us. we gotta get a little bit of perspective sometimes. and it’s nice to get those ‘I miss you’ texts.
so now I have an appointment for physical therapy on September 1st at 6:45 a.m. OMG
and then I also have a dentist appointment the next week and this coming week I have another doctor appointment because I need an ultrasound for my breasts because they said that my breast tissue is very dense which means that a mammogram is not really going to be 100% accurate. so they said that my mammogram was fine like no cancer was seen however my dense breast tissue means the results are not completely reliable.
when I was growing up my mom always used to say, “it’s another ding-dong day” and I used to take that to mean like, “same old shit, different day”… yep, here we are again, right? I should do something interesting but I probably won’t, because I’m a ding dong.
I’m going through another crisis of wanting to get rid of my sofa. I just don’t want it. it’s not comfortable, it’s falling apart and it’s just something I need to get rid of, but it’s not easy to get rid of because first of all how am I going to get it out of my apartment and down the stairs? and then what?
I’m not going to try to do it by myself because I’ll just hurt my back and that is not wise. suffer now I’m stuck with it and it’s causing my life to have blocked Chi.
yeah I think today I should really work on clearing clutter from my apartment and cleaning it up cuz its just too chaotic right now and I’m sick of it. It always seems like I’m getting somewhere but then boom it’s a huge mess again, like, it’s so hard to keep it all up. does life ever seem overwhelming to you? Like there’s just too much stuff to consider and think about and be responsible for? Seriously.
I just spent at least an hour doing random cleaning– some dusting, putting things where they belong, throwing things away, some bleaching in the bathroom… every little bit helps and I’m going to keep on going all day as much as possible. the focus of this day is going to be cleaning my apartment! what can be wrong with that? nothing.
I keep thinking that I should go get some containers to put things in to keep things more organized and I do want to do that but I am NOT going to do it soon because it’s just an excuse to not have to do the cleaning right now and that’s going to come first. sorry about the run on sentences but I use voice to text on my phone to blog and going back through and punctuating everything is really a pain in the ass and it is not easy to take speech and then make it grammatically correct. bah! I’m such a lazy butt, right?
well folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed this update on my progress and I hope that this blog post has helped me to sort a few things out so that I can continue to sort things out in my life because I just read this quote and it says, “keeping your personal life together is not an optional indulgence but an absolute necessity when it comes to being of use to others in the world” joan halifax, zen buddhist priest