what to say what to say?there’s always so much going on in my brain it’s actually hard to capture in the moment and I prefer to do that rather than write an outline and sketch out my ideas before I do a blog post. maybe that’s not how you’re supposed to write but it’s what I want to do and that’s what I do. I do what I want.
so this last weekend was nice… went on our floaties to the river. that was strange. we had to walk a really long way. I don’t know why I chose to go there; but, that’s what we did. could have just gone to a place a lot closer to where I live but this one seemed like it would be more private? it was just strange, that’s all I have to say; but, it was still fun though.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had the feeling, I’ve always had it, where you take pictures of yourself thinking you look good and then you look at the pictures and you’re like horrified and don’t know what to do? I know it’s actually a sort of 0CD thing. I’ve heard about people who all they do all day long is just take selfies trying to find the perfect one and it never ever is the perfect one..
you know, it’s a bit of a sickness. I have a lot of OCD traits or just obsessive-compulsions. I can’t even tell you about all of them my life is just a tapestry of compulsions and obsessions sort of woven together but it’s Who I am and it’s what makes me me: my personality, my individual consciousness… even though, really, we’re all very similar, we are also unique in our own ways.
omg someone outside is using a leaf blower I hate those things almost more than anything else on earth next to mosquitoes. they are so completely useless and pointless I hate them. like, get a rake, people.
since I’m ranting I should tell you about this experience that started out the day yesterday or even really the evening before it. all about miscommunication misunderstanding sometimes you don’t know if people do it deliberately or or miscommunicate and then backtrack the next day. sometimes you just don’t know. but I’ve learned to mostly just let it go because I think sometimes people are actually seeking attention when they do stuff like this and they want you to get upset and it’s like I don’t have time to get upset I’m trying to avoid getting upset in my life as much as possible. it’s for my health. thank you.
so anyway last minute thing I’m supposed to get together with my mom and my daughter so we can go school clothes shopping. my daughter’s going to be in 4th grade which is awesome so I decided my boyfriend and I would meet them for lunch and then he would leave and we would go do our shopping… so I planned this with her father and I talked to my mom and we get to the restaurant and my daughters not there and I’m like where is my daughter? and my mom says oh she spent the night at someone’s house and she’s not ready yet but she’ll be ready later… so we’re like, okay, well.. I guess we’ll just have lunch now. so we decided to go in, even though the place is really my daughter’s favorite restaurant, none of ours so it was kind of weird and awkward and we’re sitting there….
my boyfriend didn’t know if he wanted to order a drink and we all just basically he and I both ordered salads and my mom ordered a burger and we wait and wait and we’re making small talk and chatting and waiting and basically it came down to our waitress disappeared and our food never came and it was ridiculous we were like this isn’t even really what we want to do we don’t even want to stay here so we left
for one thing the music was so loud that you can’t even hear yourself think. seriously, it’s like, really? when I go to a restaurant to eat food I would like to relax & feel calm & serene & enjoy some nice conversation– which is absolutely impossible! in an environment like that. (!!!) it seems like they want to actually prevent people from interacting with one another and having a nice conversation over a pleasant meal where you can actually digest your food. 😯
my boyfriend and I both want to get out of this area because too many people too many cars everywhere you go everything is just on a large scale and the people everywhere in this hyper frenzied pace of living and it’s really just not my style, his either. it’s time to go off grid, man.
I guess I’m sort of rambling meandering going off topic but basically then my mom and I we just decided to leave and so my boyfriend went home and my mom and I went and got my daughter and we were all starving at this point so we went to a hamburger place and it was absolutely amazing and very very delicious and I felt so much better but even at that hamburger place the music is blaring so loud that you seriously cannot relax it is not my thing I like music too not that I don’t like music but having it so loud that you have to yell and keep asking what to the person that you’re talking to is ridiculous
you know and its like, “why can’t life just be better than this?” I don’t know. it’s the area that we’re in that sucks. I don’t want to be here but I have to so anyway… I digress. I try to focus on staying grateful.
next we are going to take my daughter to get some things for school. some shoes, a backpack, a few shirts, a pair of pants. so we’re wandering around the mall we started out at the wrong end of the mall cuz we wanted to go to Macys but we went in on the side that is only mens and home store and the children and women’s is on the complete opposite end of the mall
your maneuvering escalators, everything is on the third floor, cant figure out which side is up which side is down? where are the cash registers? I’m just not a mall person and once again every single store the music is so loud it’s so obtrusive and the people are in this sort of frenzy. the workers come at you in a very accosting way. it’s like, I just want to relax, people! I just need to move to some mountain town where there’s only one store there’s never a line and people can just walk everywhere.
and another thing I will mention is I tried on some perfume at Macy’s and it’s a beautiful perfume that I like but one of the things I’ve noticed about these Modern perfumes (yes I’m an old woman) they are so fake smelling like it’s obviously some sort of chemically originated weird imitation pheromone thing. who knows what mind control shit it’s doing to you. and I’m just not down for that. I have a ton of perfume at my house that I can use and it’s all natural stuff so. That commercial stuff is very seductive and tempting, i just don’t buy into it. some kind of weird Illuminati BS