do you know what you’re doing?

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this was yesterday’s delicious breakfast.
today, i made my own breakfast of two eggs, two slices of bacon and two pieces of spelt toast with real butter.
yesterday i filed my taxes so i am stoked about getting the money because i am dead broke.

i was just heating up some coffee on the stove and practically burnt it. yay. not.

time for a do-over.

i was just thinking that the way my mind works, i have to use my imagination to trick myself into wanting to do things i know i should do but am unenthused about.

like, if i want to get enthused about not drinking i have to decide that TPTB are in on a secret conspiracy to get me to drink alcohol every day because they know it’s like my kryptonite so i have to REFUSE to partake of alcohol because i realize abstinence increases my powers.

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last night i made some lamb stew.
next time i’m hungry, that is what i will eat.

oh, so, the other thing i have to pretend, if i want to go to AA meetings (because i kind of don’t really want to) i have to pretend that i am doing an ethnography on AA culture. i have to remain objective.

part of my infiltration method is to wear a ‘costume’.

it’s my desperate housewives outfit. nails, hair, jewelry, workout attire. i am not happy about it. it’s SO not me! but it’s not MOST of the people who wear it! EVERYONE is wearing the workout clothes. are you noticing this???? it’s so matrix-y and stepford-ish.

i don’t know if it’s just that nothing seems real to me or WHAT exactly i should think.

it rained HARD last night.
had not rained in months.

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this is my friend Kentucky Dave. in case you were wondering. he is not used to being photographed for blogs and i am a candid camera person. makes people feel awkward. i know, get over it, right? maybe someday.


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