waiting for the other shoe

i am the kind of person who is just naturally bummed out all the time. it’s my ‘go-to’ state of mind. i constantly have to fight against tumbling into a staggering depression. it sucks.
sometimes i just want to go with it but nobody likes a negative creep, do they?

i have to remind myself that i should be happy. things are getting better all the time. sigh. right? i guess i’m always just expecting something to go devastatingly wrong, like it’s just my lot in life. that is probably a self-fulfilling prophecy.

but tomorrow is friday and i’m working a half-day afternoon and then getting ready for an early saturday morning road trip with my most favoritest guy!

yesterday and today at work were just fine. i was relaxed and observant. the best thing is to not let the kids think you are bothered with any of their acting out behaviours. they will try to upset you. it’s just what they do.

anyway, i have found that gratitude is the best medicine. think of the good stuff. focus on what’s positive.

i washed that cardigan and then dried it in the dryer and now it shrunk. dummy. i guess it’s silk. it doesn’t matter that it shrunk but it messed up the shape of it. whatever.

anyway this weekend is gonna be great. interesting and stuff. fun.

anyway, can you tell i just started my period? ugh. it makes me so dark and down and bummed out and everything un-cool and un-fun. totally unfair.

my thanksgiving week has been grand as grand can be. the guy i’ve been seeing went with me to my mom’s and then we went to his cousins’ and then his sister’s and then we decorated his house for christmas. doesn’t get much better, right? i got what i wanted. yay, me! yay, him! :-D
now if i could just get him to take out an ad in the new york times about how crazy he is about me. ;-) jk jk (not his style)

i’m glad vacation is almost over though. it will be nice to have a large chunk of my day taken up with being less self-centered and doing something productive. this lovely little doll is a tree-topper his grandpa bought for his grandma when he was stationed in japan a billion years ago. so cute! so cool!

do you like my birdy friend? cool.

i mean. yeah. i guess maybe i can be a little demanding.
technically i’ve only been seeing him since june. and actually june is simply when i first laid eyes on him at that journey tribute concert i went to on a whim. for ME it was some kind of love at first sight that i was actually confused! like, why is this happening? what IS this??? haha. i mean, i had just sworn off of dating that morning!


and when he saw me he was like, “uh?” haha.. what’s not to like? hee hee.
no. but i’m not the usual type of girl for him. that’s true.

anyway, i hope we get MARRIED and grow OLD together and talk about our bum knees and bowl movements for the rest of our lives! hahaha. sorry. i do think it would be cool but always have to work on the reality checks. i’m not a kid. i’ve dated a lot and this is the first time i’ve really felt like i would want to keep on keeping on in a LONG time. but i will need to become a better person every day. which really means continue to remember that I MAKE my OWN happiness and a relationship is just an added bonus to that… not the REASON for it.

today, i’m just gonna watch a couple movies, clean my apartment which no matter how much i clean it, never is clean! bah! time to donate everything i own to goodwill and start from scratch.
well, for one thing HE is a neat freak extraordinaire so the fact that he hasn’t run screaming for the hills at the sight of my apartment SHOULD say SOMETHING about his feelings. :-) haha

sorry. i know, blah blah blah, right? i have to get it out. nobody wants to listen to me talk about him all the time. ha.

here is a vine i made.


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it’s beginning to look a lot like…

happy tuesday to you!

i am happier today. mondays kinda suck even when you’re on vacation? the library is always closed on mondays, so i’m glad it’s tuesday now and i am happily typing away on my blog at the library.

that was a gift we picked out for bf’s dad for his birthday. it’s a tradition, as you can see.

so tomorrow bf is coming with me to meet my mom and family. he has never met anyone that i know because i don’t really have any roots here in sacramento. my friends and family are all elsewhere. so he will be able to see me in context. i think it will be helpful.

yesterday i did a load of laundry and the dishes and took out the trash. today will be day two of household chore completion while re-watching the two sucky movies i rented (mainstream fodder) (for educational purposes) (have to stay informed as to what the sheep are doing)….

a friend of mine (actually an ex date person) was saying that thanksgiving is a bunch of bullshit that people are basically forced to buy into … and yeah, that is true but still… It IS what people are all doing …. i mean, you could say the same thing about SUndays, or romantic relationships, for that matter.

it’s all b.s. in the end, right?

i really like how my hair looks when crimped like this, but you have to be careful not to damage your hair with the heat. can’t do it every day, kinda thing. save it for special occasions then baby it for as long as you can get away with not washing it….
my hair is pretty durable, tho.

today i need to change my nail polish. it’s all chippy. i just saw a woman in the library who had hair very similar to mine but she was wearing frumpier clothes than i wear, and i have been known to wear frumpy clothes, apparently (according to some ppl) i hold firm to the idea that i am cool and have a great sense of style, but whatev

anyway, i am determined to be happy and have fun! make it so! today and tomorrow! stay positive.
and since this guy i’ve been seeing (and am crazy about) is honestly not very tech savvy, i will cut him some slack about the facebook relationship status thing. he is old school. he doesn’t even have a smart phone.

omg, blogging is so hard!

why is it that movies suck so much?
good movies are so few and far between, aren’t they?

that’s lovely light in that photo (above) ….
there’s something positive i can say.

here’s a crappy photo of some eggs i made this morning.
threw the tomato on there for photographic interest.
i used some pizza crust to dunk in the egg… then i went to the store and bought some rye bread because i had forgotten how much i love it.

so how important do you think it is to state your relationship status on fb? like, if you have been seeing someone for six months, should they still be on fb as single?
i think not. why? what is the point?

you’re either with that person or you aren’t. if you aren’t willing to say so publicly then there is something wrong.

sorry to appear slouchy. i have scoliosis.

i dunno. i just think that facebook is part of life now and we need to be on the up and up about things.

why not?

went to IKEA and braved the holiday shoppers only to buy these three things. pain in the butt. that place can be nightmarish, it’s so maze-like. if you don’t concentrate you can get lost in there forever.

anyway, this week ought to be the proving grounds on whether my relationship is on the up and up or on the outs.
i’ll keep ya posted.


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everything is awesome!

ok. well this isn’t the pic i meant to post, but whatever.

things are actually very lovely in my life today and lately. so much really to be grateful for and appreciative of! especially having a four day weekend. yeehaw!

the holiday season is upon us and i am happy. especially being a teacher, i get vacation!
now if only i could travel. maybe soon.

the weather has been perfect. today will be a great day to catch up on some housework, watch a movie and make a nice pot of bean soup. ahhhh. fall.

so good.

my job is richly rewarding every day and i’m totally stoked about it.
thanks for asking.
everything’s coming along quite nicely.
thank you to everyone who helped me along the way. my hope is to give back very soon……

yay!! thank you to everyone who helped me along th eway


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probably nobody ever reads this.
probably i shouldn’t say that.
those tacos were yummy, tho. i had them the other day.

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i’ve just been substitute teaching every week day. busy as can be. that’s for sure.
it’s great. sometimes i complain, but really… it’s great in the grand scheme.

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oh wow, this is cool! pixlr has this #cosmicgeometry thing going on. i always liked geometry.

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so, it’s friday.
friday is as good a day as any to come to terms with life on life terms, isn’t it?
today was a fun day because all i had to do was take roll and show a movie to high school shop class kids. easy. kinda boring, but i’ll take it.
easy money, sorta?

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i’ve been sucked into this vortex lately. it’s called “play”… we need it, we humans. not everything has to be “important” and “practical” all the time. sometimes we just need to zone out and waste some time doing pointless things.

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aw. how cute.

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i think i will do another blog post tomorrow. right now, i’m on my way home from work on a friday and stopped in at the library to use my laptop on their wifi. maybe next month i will get a new chrome book or a wifi hotspot or something so i can be a computer sloth in the privacy of my own home. who knows? TTFN!

i’m taking minutes

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my life has changed so much in so many ways that i really don’t have the same habits and routines so due to that and a few other factors… blogging has sort of fallen by the wayside as of late. that will change soon, tho, now that i have a new phone.

this is at the park right by my apartments.

this is the cafe across from the park.

i’m having a decent weekend./

oh my blog! blogging is more now of just a sidebar to the main event and twitter and ig are the main event… but also that is changing. the immediacy and temporariness are key factors in that. people’s attention spans have become miniscule.